A few days ago, the world was proved unready for the mighty eloquence of today’s presidential candidates.

Great speeches have been heard before, from the timeless and stirring

Even though large tracts of Europe and many old and famous States have fallen or may fall into the grip of the Gestapo and all the odious apparatus of Nazi rule, we shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender, and if, which I do not for a moment believe, this island or a large part of it were subjugated and starving, then our Empire beyond the seas, armed and guarded by the British Fleet, would carry on the struggle, until, in God’s good time, the New World, with all its power and might, steps forth to the rescue and the liberation of the old.

To the uplifting (quite literally)

We choose to go to the Moon! … We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard; because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one we intend to win

but, dearest citizens of the world, I don’t think you can behold the true majesty of wit and caveat emptor that is

Grab her by the pussy

Dear friends, this is it. The pinnacle of human civilization. Millennia from now, children in history class will listen, their innocent eyes shining, their precious mouths open, as the single most stunning speech is repeated back to them verbatim. As they learn the true challenges and scope of human ingenuity and wit that, in this year, was forever chiseled into the rock of ages.

Amen, dear friends, amen.

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